Home
by dr pepper upper
Summary: After the defeat of Nero and the Narada, the Enterprise is finally home, but Jim doesn't know where his home actually is. Kirk/McCoy friendship/romance fic.


**AN: I don't know where I got this idea, but I think it was from listening to the song 'I'll Stand By You'. This is not a songfic; it was just inspired by it. I hope you enjoy reading this piece because I really enjoyed writing it. :]**

* * *

Its over. It's _actually_ over.

You can't really wrap your mind around that fact. It's all so surreal to you. It feels like a dream, a really weird, intense dream. You have to force yourself to think, to realize that Vulcan is _really_ gone, Nero is _really_ dead and Earth is _actually_ going to be fine for now, at least.

You keep flitting through the memories. Bones smuggling you onto the ship in a rather uncomfortable manner (you're convinced that you're _never_ going to go near one of those Goddamn hypos again), running through the ship, confronting Captain Pike, being promoted to First Officer, the space jump and throwing yourself over the edge to save Sulu… And you can hardly process the fact that you were marooned on Delta Vega. The whole business with the older Spock is too much to handle. You're thanking the God you never believed in for Scotty because you'd be in that black hole if it weren't for him.

But now it's _really_ over and even though you feel like crying, you won't. You're James T. Kirk, so you can't and won't cry, even if you hear sniffles from all around you on the Bridge when Earth comes into sight. There's a weightless moment as everyone's breath catches at the sight of the so blue, so beautiful planet. You've never wanted to go home so much in your life. That's saying a lot because you were the one that ran away from it.

You have to remember that you're not the only one.

You have to chuckle as you turn in your chair to look at your faithful CMO whose eyes are welling up and he doesn't even notice that you're staring. He's only got eyes from Earth and you are thinking that you wouldn't be surprised if he actually throws himself on the ground and kisses it once he gets off the shuttle. "Easy there, Bones," you joke, unable to keep the cocky tone from your voice. You're never going to let your best friend live this down because there are actual _tears_ running down his face. You can't figure out his facial expression because he's not smiling and he's not frowning.

You look away from him, actually ashamed because he doesn't snap at you; he just stares at you and shakes his head a little. You look around at your Bridge crew and notice that Bones isn't the only one crying. Uhura has a blinding smile on her face as the ship nears Earth. Sulu looks like he's close to bawling and Chekov actually _is_. There's almost indignant beeping from the console because there are tears on the machinery but Chekov isn't paying attention. He's babbling to himself in Russian and you can't help but smile. The kid is going to be able to see his mother, his family.

You? You don't know what to feel. You don't want to leave the _Enterprise_. She's not even your ship and you don't want to leave because what _if_ something happens? The ship was almost destroyed more times than you care to count and if something else happens you don't know how you'll take it. Sulu expertly maneuvers the _Enterprise_ into her place and everyone breathes a simultaneous breath of relief that is both the same and so different. You're glad because your ship went in easily and wasn't scratched or harmed more than she already is. Everyone else, you assume, is ready to be _off_ the damn thing. They're waiting on you, though. They're _always_ waiting on you.

You're not sure what they want you to say, but you press your comm. unit and begin talking, addressing each and every one of the crewmembers. "This is your captain speaking," you start out and you're uncertain, voice just on the verge of wavering until a warm hand claps on your shoulder. You look up and see Bones looking down at you like he's trying to say, _'Damn it Jim, you can risk your life for Earth but you can't talk to your crew? Don't be such an infant!' _and you don't know how you can get through this.

"Each and every one of you performed admirably–No. No, not just admirably. I don't… There are no words to say how brave everyone is for holding on and… Ah. Hell, if they don't give everyone a medal, I'm going to…" There is silence and everyone is staring at you. "Look, I'm not good with words, people. All I'm trying to say is I'm proud of you and that I want you to come off this ship acting like the Goddamn heroes that you _are_. Get a lot of rest, go somewhere quiet and just _relax_. You are dismissed. Kirk out."

There are bright smiles all around you, excepting Bones but that's normal. In the years you've known him, you've hardly ever been able to coax a real, genuine, 'I'm-so-happy-I-could-just-die' smile. But his hand is tightening on your shoulder and that's enough.

"Let's get off this damn piece of junk," he says and at your slightly angry look, he smiles just a little. "Jim, it's time to go home." You scoff at this, getting up out of your chair and wrenching your shoulder away from his hand, a bit more roughly than you really should have.

"Don't really have a home to go to." You don't need to see his face to know that smile is gone and it's your fault this time. Sometimes, you wonder why he sticks around. But really, it was _you_ that stuck around. You followed him around like a puppy from day one and stuck to him like bonding glue.

He always let you stay.

"Bones. Bones, what if I never…" Why can't you bring yourself to say it? You want this ship; you want it because your father would be proud of his son for having it. You know that and he knows what you're talking about.

"Look, Jim, one step at a time. You gotta go in front of the board still, they have to rule, remember? Focus on not getting kicked out of the Academy and _then_ we'll worry about your ship." We. We is a comforting word because now you know he'll still be around to pull you through like he did with the first two attempts at the Kobayashi Maru test. You still can't bear to pull yourself away from the ship and he knows he'll need to do it. "C'mon, kid. Don't make me sedate you and then drag you out. You know I will." It's true. He's done it before.

So, when he takes your arm into his hand and pulls, you stumble after him. It's a lot like when he got you on board the ship, him dragging you behind and keeping you supported. Only this time you're not suffering some allergic reaction and you really should be able to stand up on your own. You can't, though, and you don't know why. You need him more now than you have before and he knows it. You need him to pull you through those doors and get you on that shuttle or else you'd be hiding in some handy little crawlspace, intent on staying with the ship until its next voyage. It's only when you're strapped in and the shuttle is moving that it would be okay for him to let you go.

He doesn't.

His hand burns on your arm like some kind of sweet brand, marking your skin with an invisible seal that is just _Bones_.

It might be because he's still got a fear of flying. It might be because he's trying to make sure you don't do anything stupid. His hand slides down and he _actually_ puts his palm in yours and just leaves it there, open and soft, just waiting for you to pull away and make your usual cocky joke with a side of innuendo.

You don't.

Against all reason and rhyme, you simply thread your fingers through his and squeeze a little. The contact is comforting and you've always been one for contact. You don't look at Bones and he doesn't look at you but the words _'I'm here for you' _scream out in your silence. You don't care how girlish this is, you just need the support of your best friend and he's giving it without a frown or sarcasm like he usually would. You need this and he needs this and you couldn't love him any more than you do right now. Because, contrary to popular belief, James T. Kirk does have a heart and you _can_ put it to good use and Bones is the only one you have allowed himself to love because the guy is… Well, he's a family that you never really got to have.

Even though they got stares from crewmembers, all eyes landing on the joined hands, neither Bones nor you make a move to break the contact.

As you had expected, there was a huge crowd of people awaiting everyone's return. You idly wonder if your mother and stepfather are part of that group. As the shuttle hits the ground, Bones tightened his hold on your hand to almost crushing it, but you do the same to his. Everyone is frantically unbuckling seatbelts and murmuring because they're so glad to be back on the ground. You're not exactly relieved but you don't complain. Bones lets go of your hand first and you get busy undoing your restraints as he does the same.

"You didn't throw up on me this time," you joke with a small laugh and Bones rolls his eyes.

"You must me rubbing off on me, kid." He doesn't say any more because you know it's true. He motions for you to get up first and at your confused look he just shakes his head. "Captain leads." But he gets up right behind you and pokes at your back and you smile because he's there, as always.

You are unprepared for the roar of the crowd one you step out, however. There's cheering, sobbing and flashes of light and it's kind of overwhelming. You want nothing more than to just get back on that shuttle and get the hell out of there, but Bones is there, hand against your back and whispering, "It's okay, kid, you're doin' great," in your ear. Everyone else floods off the shuttle and you watch in fascination. A blubbering Chekov pounces into both a man and woman's arms and they're sobbing too. Sulu is standing with someone that is obviously related to him. Uhura is running, Spock's hand in hers, towards a small group of people that must be her family. You and Bones are just standing there. You turn to him and are about to offer to go drinking when he suddenly stiffens.

You're close to him, chests almost touching, but that's because everyone else is crowded around. There's hardly any room. You stiffen as well, afraid that you might have done something wrong. You _can't_ lose him, not now. Before you can even begin to ask what the problem is, he's off and running, pushing through the throng of people.

You're panicking and it's embarrassing because you're panicking over the simple fact that he's _leaving_. He's actually _leaving_ you _behind_ and though you knew a day would come when he just gets fed up and walks away, you're not ready for it to be _now_. You're not really sure what you're thinking, but you're running after him and no one notices because they're too busy either crying for deceased loved ones or crying because they're safe. Bones is faster than you thought him to be. He's out of sight as you begin plowing through the people, desperate to catch up.

Your heart is pounding in your chest and his name is on your lips like a sweet poison, saving you and killing you at the same time.

The positions are reversed. Bones had been chasing you aboard the _Enterprise_. Now, you chase him You're not sure what to think of that. You catch sight of him and the word dies on your lips because you're completely shell-shocked at what you're seeing. You can see his face and he's doing the _strangest_ thing that is both terrifying and beautiful to you at the same time. He's smiling the smile that you could never get him to do and at first he looks so happy that you're filled with joy, too. That quickly turns to anger and jealousy because you don't know _who_ the hell got him to smile like that in a matter of _seconds_ when you've tried to get him to do that for _years_.

He turns and you suddenly understand.

There's a little girl in his arms, looking to be about five or six years old. She's got brown hair and pretty hazel eyes and you _know_ she's the reason for his happiness. He's laughing and the little girl is laughing and you feel like you either want to cry or melt into a puddle of happiness because _that's_ the look you've wanted to see on his face from the first week you knew him. You've been trying to break down those walls for so long and it only takes a little girl one smile.

_His_ little girl. Joanna.

Is it bad that you're jealous of a six year old?

"Jim!" Oh… Someone's calling your name. You blink and realize you've been staring at the ground for some time. You look up, look left and right for the one who called you.

"Jim!" All the jealousy evaporates when you finally realize it was him that was yelling your name. That blazing look of sheer happiness is directed to you and he's waving you over with the arm that's not occupied by his little girl. In all the time you've known him, you've never seen him like this. He's twirling himself and the little girl around and he's suddenly _right there_ next to you and drawing you in, including you in the happy picture you were so jealous of just a minute ago.

Somehow, when the laughing and the moving stop, you find yourself with an armful of Joanna McCoy. Bones is smiling still, watching you and his little girl in rapt attention. You study the girl in your arms carefully for a moment as she does the same to you. "She looks like you," you say with a nod of approval as you just take in this girl. Bones grins and Joanna suddenly moves forward and presses a shy little kiss on your cheek and suddenly everything is just _right_.

Bones takes her back into his arms but leaves one arm free so that he can wrap it around you and lead you away from the spectators that stopped their own rejoicing to watch. Joanna is babbling to Bones, hugging his neck tightly and Bones is looking better than he ever has. There's life in his eyes and a spring in his step. You don't even know where you're going; you just follow him as usual. Throughout the day, you worry about when it's time to leave because you don't _want_ to leave Bones and Joanna is just too adorable.

So, when the day finally comes to an end after endless talking, laughing, ice cream and a walk around the Academy, your heart is kind of aching. Joanna is in your arms and you have _no_ idea how the hell that happened (since she was passed between you and Bones throughout the day), but Bones doesn't make a move to take her back into his arms and walk off. "C'mon, kid, let's go home." And even though you don't know where that _home_ is, you know it is with Bones.

_Home is where the heart is…_

Home would _always_ be with Bones.


End file.
